When I walked in the door he was crying so hard you would have thought someone had died. Then I found out someone had died. Only, that wasn’t why he was crying. He wasn’t crying because someone he loved had died. He was crying because “DADDY FLUSHED HIM DOWN THE TOILET BEFORE I COULD DRAW [...]
Entries from January 2008
January 24, 2008
Those Pearly Whites
The tooth is leaning forward, a tiny spear pointing directly at his bottom lip. Push against the outside of his lip and the little tooth might pierce it, poke all the way through like a drill. If it weren’t loose it would be standing up, in its socket, like the rest of his teeth. But [...]
January 22, 2008
A Science Experiment Yields Cake
This morning, over breakfast, Snags comes up with an idea for a science experiment. My husband thinks it’s an awful idea. Snags thinks it’s a wonderful idea. I am stuck somewhere in the middle, like the narrator in How the Grinch Stole Christmas, thinking it’s both: a wonderful, awful idea. Snags wants to take Gobstopper and Dum [...]
January 16, 2008
Less is More
How much would you pay for a bottle of water? Because I am looking at my room service receipt and apparently, I just paid $2.95 for a twelve ounce bottle of Dasani.
OH, NO you did NOT! I can hear you shouting.
OH, YES I DID! I shout back in response.
And the sad thing is, the soda [...]
January 13, 2008
Before You Send My Account to Collections…
Dear Hightlights Magazine:
I am in receipt of your Past Due notice. I received it around 8:00 p.m. last night, when a neighbor who lives up the street from me, knocked on my door. It was dark, and I wasn’t expecting anyone at that hour, so I almost did not open the door. But when I [...]
January 10, 2008
Paper or Plastic? Who Cares?!
Paper or plastic is the least of my worries when I shop for groceries. And the truth is, I couldn’t care less about the type of bag my groceries go into. My son has food allergies: he is allergic to milk, eggs, peanuts, and tree nuts. Although some families choose to keep an allergen free [...]
January 8, 2008
Hide and Go Fish
Snags was three years old when he changed his name to “Eddie”. My sister-in-law had bought him a cute little pair of boxer shorts with a racecar on the front. Only, Snags refused to wear them until the day that he watched a Fisher Price Little People video that had a scene in it where [...]
January 4, 2008
Banana Splits: The New Health Food
“Mom,” my six year old son said to me, “I think there should be rules against showing some kind of stuff on television. Those shows you were watching, they should not be allowed to have that on television, don’t you think?”
And I had to think back. What was I watching? Prison Break? Nope, we don’t [...]
January 2, 2008
His Idea of a New Year’s Eve Party
It’s New Year’s Eve and I’ve spent the day watching a marathon of episodes of Jon and Kate Plus Eight. At some point it occurs to me that I can’t take the crying and the whining anymore. It’s something I can’t stand in my own house, from one child, so why am I watching eight [...]
