Dear Lauren’s Mom,
Hi. So, listen, I understand from my son, Snags, that your daughter, Lauren, was watching the news recently and heard that “a man is PREGNANT!” What a sweet daughter you have and how very kind of her to share that news with Snags and his classmates. His kindergarten classmates.
Snags didn’t really have many other details to share. It sounds as if Lauren was supposed to be doing her homework? And you made her turn the T.V. off right in the middle of that groundbreaking report? Snags thought the idea so prepopsterous that it might have been a joke, that the news people were trying to make people laugh, right? I suggested that perhaps the whole thing was an April Fool’s Day joke.
And might I suggest to YOU, that you, oh, unplug the friggin’ television set for the next nine months or so? Unless, of course, you plan to come to the elementary school and give a big detailed presentation about this to Snags and his classmates? Hey, maybe you could even work with the children to collect money to throw this man a baby shower…
Look, I’m actually a pretty liberal minded gal. I don’t particularly care which way the wind blows when it comes to personal preferences about how people live their lives. I think it’s nice that this man is pregnant. I hope the pregnancy goes smoothly and that baby sleeps though the night from the get go.
I just really don’t want to have to explain how a person gets pregnant to a six year old. And I especially don’t want to have to explain how a man got pregnant to a six year old. A six year old who knows that only women have babies…
When Snags is in middle school, well, sure then I’d be happy to explain this stuff. He’ll probably be picking up free condoms from the nurse’s office by then anyway. But right now, I’d just rather not go there. And so that is why I keep the television news turned OFF in my house. You might want to consider doing the same.
Oh, by the way, did Lauren tell you that I got my nose pierced? I didn’t know if Snags had mentioned it to her yet. If not, that’s okay. I’ll be chaperoning the upcoming planetarium field trip and she will get to see my nose piercing then. I’ll be sure to tell her ALL about it, and how she can be cool like me and get her very own nose piercing, too!
That should give you something to talk about over dinner Thursday night, don’t you think?