(Whispering) Come ‘ere. Can I show you something? Look… over there. (Normal voice) No, not there. THERE! To the right of your screen. You may have to scroll down a bit. See what I’m talking about? Those two boxes? One is rectangular and pink with a yellow star and one looks Steven Segal’s biceps. Dreamy aren’t they? I mean, can you believe it? I know! Me neither!
And here I am, caught so unprepared! Never in a million years did I expect to win a prize, let alone two! I mean, I never win anything. But my luck must be turning because yesterday I won a Rockin’ Girl Blogger Award AND a Schmooze Award from the FANTABULICIOUS Jo Beaufoix. And then… are you ready for this? Seriously. You better sit down for this one because it’s some kind of miracle and I don’t want you to get hurt when you fall down from the shock…
Okay, then. Are you sitting? Good. Look here: Yes folks, that’s right. I found, in my garden, TWO (2) cucumbers and NINE (9) green beans! In. My. Garden. GROWING!
But how can that be, you ask? Because you’ve read this and you know my garden produces nothing but rocks. Well. If you must know, I’m fairly certain it wasn’t a trick, that nobody just set this bounty in my garden to fool me because they were still. attached. to. the. plants! I had to pick them! Off PLANTS! Growing in my garden. Bearing food!
And so now we have our dinner ingredients for tomorrow. I don’t know exactly what I can make with 9 green beans and 2 cucumbers, but I will come up with something, some kind of salad I suppose. It will be my celebratory dinner for the blogging awards that Jo bestowed on me!
I have to admit I feel kind of funny though. I thought only bad things happened in three’s and now I’ve got this good fortune and I am tempted to go buy a lottery ticket. Only, I don’t want to push my luck here, so I think I’ll quit while I’m ahead. Plus I’ve been drinking mojitos and we all know that drinking and driving don’t mix (public service announcement).
I’ll be totally honest here now too and admit I was drinking in the first place not because I won the awards (although that’s perfectly good reason to have another, I think) but because prior to all this goodness, Snags wanted to know “where a dog’s puppy chute is.” I shook my head to clear it because surely I must have heard him wrong. But upon further questioning I learned that he really WAS asking “where the puppies come out of a dog.” I hemmed and hawed and mentally ran down the list of mind numbing alcoholic beverages I had on hand and could consume to erase this awkward moment from my mind and I said I thought it was “near a dogs butt, but probably hidden like a trap door.” Well what would you have said? Because I didn’t want him to play the role of gynecological veterinarian on our dog! So he said “Oh, so you can’t see it until it opens!” I agreed and we left it at that.
Except later I found he had drawn this and I am praying the small figure inside the large figure is nothing more than a monkey on a t-shirt, but I’m not sure, and I’m afraid to ask, because I am not ready for this and I don’t have enough liquor for this situation, especially because I just finished all the mojitos in celebration of my new awards!
And real quickly, before the Academy cuts me off (I see them twirling their hand in that “wrap it up” kind of motion) I’d like to thank Jo for this awesome recognition and extra special thanks to my husband and to my son Snags, without whom, none of this would have been possible. They even helped with the garden.