Ya’ll Ready for This?

(Whispering)  Come ‘ere.  Can I show you something?  Look… over there.  (Normal voice) No, not there.  THERE!  To the right of your screen.  You may have to scroll down a bit.  See what I’m talking about?  Those two boxes?  One is rectangular and pink with a yellow star and one looks Steven Segal’s biceps.  Dreamy aren’t they?  I mean, can you believe it?  I know!  Me neither!

And here I am, caught so unprepared!  Never in a million years did I expect to win a prize, let alone two!  I mean, I never win anything.  But my luck must be turning because yesterday I won a Rockin’ Girl Blogger Award AND a Schmooze Award from the FANTABULICIOUS Jo Beaufoix.  And then… are you ready for this?  Seriously.  You better sit down for this one because it’s some kind of miracle and I don’t want you to get hurt when you fall down from the shock…

Okay, then.  Are you sitting?  Good.  Look here:  Yes folks, that’s right.  I found, in my garden, TWO (2) cucumbers and NINE (9) green beans!  In. My. Garden.  GROWING! 

But how can that be, you ask?  Because you’ve read this and you know my garden produces nothing but rocks.  Well.  If you must know, I’m fairly certain it wasn’t a trick, that nobody just set this bounty in my garden to fool me because they were still. attached. to. the. plants!  I had to pick them!  Off PLANTS!  Growing in my garden.  Bearing food!

And so now we have our dinner ingredients for tomorrow.  I don’t know exactly what I can make with 9 green beans and 2 cucumbers, but I will come up with something, some kind of salad I suppose.  It will be my celebratory dinner for the blogging awards that Jo bestowed on me!

I have to admit I feel kind of funny though.  I thought only bad things happened in three’s and now I’ve got this good fortune and I am tempted to go buy a lottery ticket.  Only, I don’t want to push my luck here, so I think I’ll quit while I’m ahead.  Plus I’ve been drinking mojitos and we all know that drinking and driving don’t mix (public service announcement).

I’ll be totally honest here now too and admit I was drinking in the first place not because I won the awards (although that’s perfectly good reason to have another, I think) but because prior to all this goodness, Snags wanted to know “where a dog’s puppy chute is.”  I shook my head to clear it because surely I must have heard him wrong.  But upon further questioning I learned that he really WAS asking “where the puppies come out of a dog.”  I hemmed and hawed and mentally ran down the list of  mind numbing alcoholic beverages I had on hand and could consume to erase this awkward moment from my mind and I said I thought it was “near a dogs butt, but probably hidden like a trap door.” Well what would you have said?  Because I didn’t want him to play the role of gynecological veterinarian on our dog!  So he said “Oh, so you can’t see it until it opens!”  I agreed and we left it at that.

Except later I found he had drawn this and I am praying the small figure inside the large figure is nothing more than a monkey on a t-shirt, but I’m not sure, and I’m afraid to ask, because I am not ready for this and I don’t have enough liquor for this situation, especially because I just finished all the mojitos in celebration of my new awards!

And real quickly, before the Academy cuts me off (I see them twirling their hand in that “wrap it up” kind of motion) I’d like to thank Jo for this awesome recognition and extra special thanks to my husband and to my son Snags, without whom, none of this would have been possible.  They even helped with the garden.



Filed under awards, blogging, celebration, garden, humor, life, mojitos, puppies, Rockin' Girl Blogger, Schmooze award, sex education

9 responses to “Ya’ll Ready for This?

  1. Oh my God that’s hilarious.
    ‘A puppy dogs chute’.

    I think you coped very well with that one. I have no idea what I’d have said.

    And I don’t think that’s a monkey…

    P.S. The awards look tres chic.

  2. Thanks, Jo! Really? You don’t think that’s a monkey? Are you sure? Look again. Not even a 5 year old’s version of a monkey? Look at the big persons fingers. They’re just sticks! I mean, isn’t it possible he was paging thru a National Geographic and saw some Neandethals or Cro-Magnons — one of the ancient hominids — and thought “Hey! That would look good on a t-shirt! I’ll draw that!” Right? It’s possible, right? Because I need time here, preferably, 7 more years would be fair I think, before I should have to explain this stuff to the kid. Right?

  3. Jen

    I think you’ve got six more months, tops. LOL I think it’s a lovely picture, actually. It’s definitely not a monkey. Are any of his friends’ moms pregnant, maybe?

  4. Melanie

    Congratulations on your awards, I am not at all surprised. Your blog is so funny and entertaining that it is the only blog I have saved in my favourite bookmarks. You have a lovely relaxed way of writing that feels as if you are talking to a friend.
    As for Snags I think you handled it very well, I love the idea of a trap door !!!

  5. Bellevelma's Husband

    It’s a MONKEY! He told me without me even asking…”Dad, this is Benjamin’s birthday card. Here’s his house (pointing @ the facing page of the card) and here’s his shirt with the monkey on it.” And if you look real closely you can see he started writing “Happy Birthday” but scratched it all out as it became part of the shirt. Besides the monkey isn’t even head down yet.

  6. Good then. That’s a relief. I will refer all future “puppy chute” questions to you. Good luck.
    Edited to add: You’re not joking, right? I mean we couldn’t BOTH be in major denial here? Right?

  7. Jen,

    No, as far as I know, nobody’s pregnant. Although… now that I think about it, the fish in his preschool fish tank had some babies not too long ago. I’m pretty sure it was a surprise though – I’m sure I would have heard about it if the kids had witnessed the birth. One day there were 2 fish and then one morning there were 2 big fish and a dozen itty bitty things that grew to look more like fish. I think I better monitor the TV shows he watches a bit more closely. I wonder if he’s caught the beginning of A Baby Story on TLC or something after the cartoons end for the morning.

  8. Congrats on both the awards and the veggies. I actually managed to grow a couple of zucchinis once and was so grateful I could have cried. Then I went out of town for a week and my husband forgot to water. Sayanara zucchinis. Not so sure what to say about the puppy chute. Having boys myself I find it best not to think too hard about where their brains are spinning. There aren’t enough mojitos in the world.

    Thanks for stopping by and weighing in on my Thursday Three. Happy to have you!

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