Letter to My Son

Dear Child of Mine,

You know those little squares of a papery material that I put in your lunch box everyday?  Those would be NAPKINS.  You are supposed to wipe your hands and face with them during and after eating your lunch.  And then you can throw them away with the rest of your trash.

You don’t have to bring the napkins back home all sparkling clean and untouched at the end of the day.

You know the SHIRT UPON YOUR BACK?  It is NOT A NAPKIN.  It is a shirt.  You are supposed to wear it, not wipe your hands and face on it.  It is a shirt.  It is not a cleaning rag.  There IS a difference.

The same goes for your PANTS.  They cover your lap and your legs up to your waist and as convenient as they may be for wiping jelly off your hands, they are also NOT A NAPKIN.

Napkins. We use them at dinner and at breakfast, too.  So I am pretty certain you have seen them before. Many times.  And yes, I understand that the dog will snatch your napkin off your lap at dinnertime and so I have to let you leave your napkin on the table while you eat here at home.  But as far as I know, there aren’t any dogs roaming under the cafeteria tables at your elementary school.  Are there?  Please, by all means, correct me if I’m wrong.

I know your grandfather likes to talk to about money and stocks and stuff.  Did he perhaps mention that he had bought you some stock in laundry detergent or stain remover?  Is your disregard for napkins a ploy to increase my purchase of those items and thereby, the value of your investments?  If so, you might want to reconsider.  Because I think we could be working at cross purposes here.  I mean, when you grow up and become wealthy off your stain removal stock, you’ll be spending at least an equal amount of money buying your own product line to clean your dress shirts if you don’t break this hand wiping on clothes habit now.  And fancy suit pants?  Honey, they have to be DRYCLEANED.

Perhaps you are concerned about the environment and you don’t want to waste paper by putting napkins in the landfills everyday?  Well, let me suggest that the stain removal chemicals going into the water supply might be a bigger problem, and your excessive use of drawing paper isn’t saving any trees either.

So PLEASE USE A NAPKIN!

Love,
Your Mother

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11 Comments

Filed under clothes, humor, laundry, napkins, Snags, stains

11 responses to “Letter to My Son

  1. Hee hee. I think Miss M will need to read this letter in a couple of years time. At the moment she not only uses her own clothes as napkins, but mine too.

    Miss E has improved though, so Snags should be ok when he gets to 6 or 7, most of the time anyway…

  2. Jo, he IS 6. He’s 6 and can’t use a napkin. Sniff, Sniff… So I guess I have to hold out hope for another year? In the meantime, OH THE LAUNDRY!

  3. LOL this is funny. I think if I substitute Snag’s name and add in my hubby’s name it might work for him. sigh….he still wipes his hands on his pants. good grief!

  4. K needs this lesson as well. WHY? WHY must they use their clothes??

  5. Oh this is just too cute! Your son is just gonna love you in his teenage years-hehe-when you pull all of this out. Yes-I need to insert boyfriend’s name too. Bellevelma-I love stopping by your blog-great place!

    Mercedes

  6. Jen

    I think clothing companies should just start making kids clothes out of napkins. It would save so much time. And then we could recycle them!

  7. Mrs. Weasley

    I hate to burst your bubble, but you are wasting your time. My son is fifteen, and still I say every meal, use the napkin, hold the fork this way, please don’t talk with your mouth full. I haven’t given up, by now my remarks are said without thought even, like a robot, but I know they are futile. My daughter is almost worse in that while her napkin remains on the table, she wipes her mouth with THE TABLECLOTH!! Oh, the joys. I simply shake my head. I once asked a co-worker who has grown sons when they acquired table manners, and she said when they met a girl they didn’t want to scare away. That could be a very long time…

  8. Kids are cute, aren’t they? They have such endearing habits. Still, somehow we insist on loving and adoring them and this goes on forever and ever, even when they are thirty and they are still not using their napkins. Bless their little hearts. Well, one day they take a girl out to a very expensive restaurant and they suddenly have exquisite manners. So, they were listening all along!

  9. childlife

    We’ve had a similar conversation about tissues at my place… *sigh*

  10. Found you over on Jackal’s Cre8buzz page…glad I did….the shirt as a napkin was a running joke throughout our family in reference to my daughter…who is now twelve…she started using napkins about a year ago 😉 There is hope. Thank goodness….there was not one stitch of clothing that did not have either a ketchup stain on it or a mustard stain!!

  11. Danielle Blogging for Balance – I thought it was bad when Jo suggested it would take Snags another year to start using Napkins properly. And you say it could be as much as 6 more years? OH NO! Please, please, no not that long… 😉

    I am heartened by all those who said he may not get it now, but one day he’ll go on a date and be a perfect gentleman, napkin use and all. I hope so. I just wish he’d SHOW me he knows how to use one at least once before then…

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